 | Coordinator: If you have the time and you are willing
to make a commitment, offer to be the family's needs coordinator.
We had an AWESOME one. We will never be able to repay Dee Macke
for all she did for us! If we ever needed anything, I would
simply e-mail or call Dee. She kept an e-mail list of people
that expressed interest in helping and people would always show up no
matter what we needed! A coordinator is great to keep the family
from being bombarded by so many people wanting to help and to keep
people informed of what the family's true needs are, as they can
change daily. |
| Research: If it is early in diagnosis, offer to help
do research to determine the best treatment options, medical
facilities and doctors. You can literally be bombarded with
information and it is nice to have help to sort through all of it as
well as further research. |
| Other Children: Offer
to help with their (other) children, especially if you have children
of the same age that attend the same school. Schedules can be so
hectic and unplanned that it is essential to have a network of people
that can care for your other children (even for extended periods) at a
moment's notice. This is also a time when other
children need a good group of close adults they can call on since
parents are overwhelmed dealing with the ill child.
 | Drive them to lessons, ball games, school, church or other
functions |
| Accompany them to shop for necessary items such as school
supplies or just for fun shopping |
| If it is the start of a school year, take other children to
register for school. Bring the parent the necessary paperwork
to sign & deliver it back to the school for them. |
| Make arrangements for other children to be picked up at school
by other adults in case of emergency. In our case, I told
someone (Dee) the people that I wanted on the list. She took
care of getting phone numbers, compiling them all one list for me to
sign and she delivered it to the school. |
| If early in the diagnosis, offer to make phone calls to notify
the children's teachers, school or other activities in which they
may be involved. This includes the ill child. |
|
| Food: Try to assess the needs before sending food.
Food can be a lifesaver when it is needed, but it can become too much
very quickly. If the family will be making frequent hospital
visits for overnight stays or treatment (especially if their treatment
facility is not local), restaurant gift cards might be a better choice
until they get more settled. Restaurant gift cards worked great
for us while Leslie had daily radiation treatment. |
| Work: If you have expertise in the parent's line of
work, offer to help them out if you can. If you are an employee
of the parent, give 120% effort at your job and do your best to think
and act past your typical responsibilities. The parent (Business
Owner or Manager) is going to be preoccupied and may not sense
problems as they normally would. If there is a issue affecting
business and you are unable to handle the issue for them, TELL them in
plenty of time to take action rather than assuming they have "too much
on their plate" and they can deal with it later. Later might be
too late. |
| Medical Bills & Insurance Claims: This task alone is
a big job. If you have any knowledge about medical billing and
insurance claims, offer to help sort through their bills and/or
fill-out paperwork for reimbursements if necessary. |
| Donations & Fundraisers: Make donations or offer to
organize fundraisers. The financial burden on a family
facing a serious illness is monumental even if they DO have good
insurance. So many items are not covered by insurance.
Plus, it forces a drastic lifestyle change. For instance, we had
to buy Leslie clothes every couple of months due to her weight
fluctuation on steroids. This is only one example of our
increased expenses that were not typical "medical" expenses.
Un-budgeted convenience items and services become a necessity due to
the demands on your time and energy as well. |
| Laundry, Household Chores & Yard Work: Offer to do
housework, yard work and/or laundry. Teams of people came to
clean our house and we had a laundry person assigned every week.
I had a combination lock-box on the door in the garage and would leave
the dirty laundry down there for people to pick-up & deliver back that
afternoon or the next morning. This worked really well for us.
It didn't eliminate my doing laundry, but it made it much more
manageable with everything else I had to deal with. |
| Mail Sorting: Offer to open mail and identify
important mail & bills vs. junk. Sort the bills according to the
due date so it is easy for the family to handle bills that need
attention first. |
| Parent's Night Out: Offer to keep all of the children
(including the ill child) to give the parents a night out.
Depending on the child's condition, offer to have the ill child (as
well as other children) stay at your house overnight so the parents
can get some much needed rest.
What To Say or Do when a Loved One
Dies
|
| Say Something, Anything: Don't be afraid to say
something. It can be as simple as "I'm so sorry for your
loss", but do not ignore the loss and do not act like it didn't
happen. The words you say are not near as important as simply
acknowledging their loss. This lets the family know that you
care. |
| Send a Card or an E-mail and keep sending them: Cards
and e-mails mean so much and you can go back through and read them
again and again. Keep sending cards weeks and months later.
Send cards & e-mails at times when you know might be particularly hard
like birthdays and holidays. |
| Meet for Lunch, Breakfast or Coffee: Just continue to
be there for the family. Moms want to bond again with other
women and Dads need to talk it out with other men too. |
